00:00
编曲:马云
Arrangement: Ma Yun

00:01
混音:马云
Mixing: Ma Yun

00:02
制作人:马云
Producer: Ma Yun

00:03
和声:马云
Harmony: Ma Yun

00:04
监制:马云
Executive Producer: Ma Yun

00:05
出品:网易音乐
Published by: NetEase Music

00:11
马云 最近工作找得怎么样啊
How's your job lately, Ma Yue?

00:12
不怎么样
Not really.

00:13
都已经好几个月了
It's been months.

00:14
找工作怎么那么难啊
Why is it so hard to find a job?

00:16
你想要什么样的工作
What kind of job do you want?

00:17
我帮你留意留意
I'll help you keep an eye on it.

00:18
我想要一直坐着的工作
I want to keep working.

00:21
因为站着容易累
Because it's easy to get tired standing.

00:22
这个简单
That's easy.

00:23
最好能离家近一点
It's best to stay away from home.

00:25
这样路上不会花太多时间
Don't show yourself to others.

00:27
要是惹來很多壞人會很麻煩
If you make trouble to others, it'll be troublesome.

00:29
你要求還挺多的
You have a lot of requirements.

00:30
最好上次還是個笨蛋,對不對
It's best to be a fool last time, right?

00:34
要是不上班還能有錢賺,那就最棒了!
If I can make money without working, that's great.

00:37
把他殺了...
Kill him.

00:42
他是不是又吃假奶粉了
Is he eating fake milk powder again?

02:24
曾老师,什麼事不開心啊?
Teacher Zeng, what's making you unhappy?

02:29
說出來讓我們大家開心一下嘛
Tell us so we can all be happy.

02:31
還能有誰?朱棣,我的電話編輯
Who else? Zhudi, my phone editor.

02:34
她的工作表現越來越離譜了
Her work performance is getting more and more absurd.

02:36
她都幹了什麼?
What did she do?

02:37
前一天晚上我睡得很香
The night before, I was sleeping soundly.

02:39
突然來了個電話,你們猜是誰的?
Suddenly a phone call came in, guess whose it was?

02:41
你的電話編輯?
Your phone editor?

02:42
不是,是一個美女專欄作家
No, it was a beautiful female columnist.

02:44
筆名叫"流星蝴蝶姐"
Her pen name is "Sister Meteor Butterfly".

02:47
她當意幫我寫一本自傳
She wanted to help me write an autobiography.

02:49
我在電台風花雪月的故事
My romantic stories at the radio station.

02:52
真的嗎?
Really?

02:54
當然是真的了,眾所周知
Of course it's real, as everyone knows.

02:59
眾所周知,最近我的節目收聽率越來越好
As everyone knows, recently my show's ratings have been getting better and better.

03:02
而且還有廣告公司問我願不願意接受代言呢
And an ad agency even asked if I'd be willing to take an endorsement.

03:05
什麼品牌?手錶?西裝?還是汽車?
What brand? Watches? Suits? Or cars?

03:09
夜夜香
Nightly Fragrance.

03:11
這是什麼東西啊?文香?
What is that? Mosquito incense?

03:14
是一種安眠藥,藍瓶的哦
It's a sleeping pill, in a blue bottle.

03:17
親愛的朋友,您想一睡不醒嗎?
Dear friends, do you want to fall asleep and never wake up?

03:21
建議您收聽曾小璇的節目或連續16片夜香安眠藥
We suggest listening to Zeng Xiaoxian's program or taking 16 Nightly Fragrance sleeping pills in a row.

03:25
夜香安眠藥,誰用誰知道
Nightly Fragrance sleeping pills, anyone who uses them knows.

03:28
別打岔,我正在討論我的電話編輯的問題
Don't interrupt, I'm discussing my phone editor's problem.

03:31
哦,對啊,你的電話編輯還沒出場呢
Oh, right, your phone editor hasn't even appeared yet.

03:33
快了快了,然後那個專欄作家讓我把我每天的節目都錄下來
Soon, soon! Then that columnist asked me to record all my daily programs.

03:36
作為存檔,方便她在以後寫書的時候作為素材
As an archive, to serve as material for her book later on.

03:40
然後我跟她說,完全不用這樣
And then I told her, there's completely no need for that.

03:42
節目做得好都是聽眾捧我的場
The show being good is all thanks to the listeners supporting me.

03:44
我也是為人民服務罷了
I'm just serving the people.

03:47
然後她說,你太謙虛了
Then she said, you are too humble.

03:49
放眼那麼多電台主持人
Looking across so many radio hosts,

03:51
我是她見過最有賣點的那一個
I am the most marketable one she has ever seen.

03:54
所以最後她還是要求我把所有的節目都錄下來
So in the end, she still required me to record all the programs.

03:57
我跟她百般推脫
I declined repeatedly with her,

03:59
最後還是恭敬不從命了
but in the end, I obliged.

04:02
你的電話編輯還是沒有出場
Your phone editor still hasn't appeared.

04:06
聽下去
Keep listening.

04:07
我的電話編輯後來做了一件讓我差點昏過去的事情
My phone editor later did something that almost made me faint.

04:10
她把那個傻貓專欄作家給殺了
She killed that stupid columnist cat.

04:13
故事的關係非常複雜
The relationships in the story are very complex.

04:15
如果我是你,我就聽完了再發表意見
If I were you, I'd listen till the end before expressing an opinion.

04:18
好的
Okay.

04:20
於是我跟我的助理說
So I told my assistant

04:22
以後每期節目都要錄下來,課程光盤
that every future show must be recorded onto CDs.

04:25
她沒錄
She didn't record it.

04:27
我自己去拿
I went to get it myself.

04:32
她錄完了
She finished recording.

04:34
我從頭到尾聽了一遍,音質非常清楚
I listened to it from beginning to end; the sound quality was very clear.

04:37
於是我讓她把光盤拿去,在上面寫上標題和日期
So I told her to take the CD and write the title and date on it.

04:40
可是她居然
But she actually...

04:42
居然把字寫在了正反兩面
Actually wrote words on both front and back sides!

04:44
還就原助理刻上去的
And it was engraved on by the former assistant.

04:46
光盤就這樣全毀了
The CD was completely ruined just like that.

04:48
事情就是這樣
That's how things went.

04:53
你們不覺得我的助理還差勁嗎?
Don't you think my assistant is terrible?

04:55
整個事情你想說什麼?
What are you trying to say with this whole story?

04:58
我的助理啊!她把字寫在了光盤的反面
My assistant! She wrote words on the back of the CD!

05:01
那之前那些呢?
What about all that stuff before?

05:05
我現在才知道紙房王為什麼要拍上中下三集了
Now I finally know why "Lord of the Rings" had to be made into three parts.

05:09
你看,他但寫了字還跳了鋼印呢
Look, not only did she write text, she also stamped a seal on it.

05:13
完全不知道現代社會能有一份穩定的工作是一件多麼不容易的事情
She doesn't realize how difficult it is to have a stable job in modern society.

05:18
那你就炒了他吧
Then just fire her.

05:19
說什麼呢?我何不打算這麼做?
What are you saying? Why wouldn't I plan to do that?

05:21
要知道現代社會能找到一個肯幫你做事而且穩定又不會提太多要求的年輕人
You know, in modern society, finding a young person willing to work for you stably without too many demands,

05:26
是一件多麼不容易的事情
is such a difficult thing.

05:28
對了,你可以讓婉瑜去做你的編輯啊
By the way, you can ask Wanyu to be your editor.

05:32
人又聰明又能幹
She's smart and capable.

05:34
坐著上班離家近
Working sitting down, close to home.

05:37
不用拋頭露面
No need to show her face publicly.

05:39
還有,上次是個笨蛋
And last time was a fool.

05:41
Yes!Bingo!
Yes! Bingo!

05:43
謝謝你要展博,真是個好主意
Thank you Zhanbo, that's really a great idea.

05:45
她那個超級有錢的老爹
If her super-rich dad

05:47
要是知道她在為我打工一怒之下
finds out she's working for me and gets angry,

05:49
把我們電台買下來改造成博物館
he might buy our radio station and turn it into a museum.

05:51
我做館長啊
I'll be the curator!

05:53
你們台長做館長,你最多做標本
Your station director will be the curator, you'll be a specimen at best.

05:56
不會有人知道的,而且我可以承認這份工作
No one will know, and I can take this job.

05:59
這份工作需要人表現得很普通
This job requires someone to act very ordinary.

06:04
我就是啊
I am ordinary!

06:05
你的卡第二環和LV限量版比我的調音台和我的電話編輯加起來都要貴
Your Cartier ring and LV limited edition are worth more than my mixing console and phone editor combined.

06:10
你真是我最普通的東西了
You are truly my most ordinary thing.

06:12
問題就在這兒
That's exactly the problem.

06:14
好了好了,我不戴就是了
Alright, alright, I won't wear them then.

06:17
說出來你們都不信,我碰到星探了
You won't believe it, I was spotted by a talent scout!

06:19
紅丹丹演藝經紀公司
Red-ton-ton entertainment company.

06:22
是紅通通
It's Red Flashy.

06:24
這家公司在東南亞很有名的
This company is very famous in Southeast Asia.

06:26
我上次在報紙上看的過
I saw it in the newspaper last time.

06:28
你也看報紙
You read newspapers too?

06:30
我拿報紙包火腿的時候瞄的過他們的廣告
I caught a glimpse of their ad when wrapping ham in newspaper.

06:34
我就去面試了
So I went for the interview.

06:36
等著吧
Just wait!

06:37
我輝煌的演藝事業叫拔毛啟航了
My brilliant acting career is about to set sail!

06:41
疼疼疼
Ouch, ouch, ouch!

06:44
我的腿毛
My leg hair!

06:46
呼,的確是個拔毛
Phew, that really was hair pulling.

06:48
你好,請問這是紅通通演藝公司嗎
Hello, is this the red-ton-ton entertainment company?

07:02
我找閃電俠,閃小姐
I'm looking for the Flashy Man, Miss Flash.

07:05
哦,讓我看看
Oh, let me see.

07:08
我的名字是不是還是
Is my name still...

07:10
哦,閃電俠
Oh, Flashy Man.

07:12
還好啊,請進
Hello, please come in.

07:15
請問您就是閃小姐
Excuse me, are you Miss Flash?

07:20
如果我是你,我就不會傻嘮嘮地站在那
If I were you, I wouldn't stand there like a fool.

07:23
快找個椅子坐下
Hurry up and find a chair to sit down.

07:24
你一直站著只會暴露你腿短的缺陷
You keep standing there, you'll only expose your short legs.

07:27
傻小子
You're a fool.

07:28
你好,我叫呂子喬
Hello, my name is Lv Ziqiao.

07:32
再說一遍,一點自信都沒有
Say it again, you don't have any confidence.

07:36
我叫呂子喬
My name is Lv Ziqiao.

07:39
不用告訴我你叫什麼名字,我根本不在乎
Don't tell me your name. I don't care.

07:42
來我們這的人都是這麼一句開場白
Everyone here is a fan of Flashy Man.

07:44
在我聽來沒有任何區別
I don't think there's any difference.

07:46
有沒有點新鮮的東西給我聽,年輕人
Is there anything new to listen to for me?

07:49
是不是太緊張了
Are you too nervous?

07:51
來根煙
Give me a cigarette.

07:52
哦,我不抽煙
I don't smoke.

07:54
偷偷告訴你,我們公司也不允許抽
I'll tell you secretly, our company doesn't allow you to smoke.

08:00
不過誰讓我是老闆呢
But who told me to be the boss?

08:03
我真的很興奮
I'm really excited.

08:06
我從小就夢想成為一名演員
I've dreamed of becoming an actor since I was a child.

08:09
誰不是呢
Who isn't?

08:11
我的意思是說,如果你不介意的話
I mean, if you don't mind,

08:14
我能不能邊吃東西邊跟你聊天
can I talk to you while eating?

08:16
當然
Of course.

08:28
我們公司是全東南亞最大的演藝公司
Our company is the biggest acting company in Southeast Asia.

08:32
我們要找的只有三種人
We only want three types of people.

08:34
男演員,女演員,還有
Male actors, female actors, and...

08:42
還有一張蠢的男演員
And a stupid male actor.

08:44
太多了,蠢的不止一點點
Too many. Not even a little bit.

08:48
不過這一點很符合一個作為演員的特質
But this is in line with the characteristics of an actor.

08:52
我是一名天生的演員
I'm a natural actor.

08:54
我從小看見漂亮美媚演救援
I've seen beautiful actresses since I was a child.

08:57
小夥子,看過《滿城禁戴黃金甲》嗎
Little boy, have you seen the Golden Award?

09:01
看過看過
Yes, I have.

09:02
是不是要拍續集了
Are you going to shoot a sequel?

09:04
您要推薦我去試鏡嗎
Do you want to recommend me to the audition?

09:05
當然不是
Of course not.

09:07
故事的結尾,荒空裡的人不聽話
The ending of the story, people in the palace don't listen.

09:10
國王把他們都殺了
King of Guo killed them all.

09:12
水掉的到處都是
The water is dripping everywhere.

09:17
如果你不聽話
If you don't listen,

09:19
這也就是你的下場
you'll be the one who will be scared.

09:22
再問你一個問題
I have another question.

09:27
看過《蚩臂》嗎
Have you seen Chi Bi?

09:28
你看過
Yes.

09:29
金蟲演得怎麼樣
How is Jin Chong acting?

09:31
很帥吧
He's handsome, right?

09:32
諸葛亮的
He's a good actor.

09:34
有智慧有腔調
He's smart and has a good tone.

09:36
還有一點腳紋三
He's a little bit of a bad guy.

09:38
我是不是有機會和他演對手戲
Do I have a chance to play against him?

09:40
當然不是
Of course not.

09:42
我要簽了他關你貼身
I want to kill him. It's none of your business.

09:44
還好我就喜歡你那個羞澀的樣子
I'm glad I like your shyness.

09:49
對不起,我賣身不賣意
I'm sorry. I don't sell body.

09:51
不對,我賣意不賣身
No, I don't sell body.

09:53
我不要你的身
I don't want your body.

09:55
我只要你的簽字授權
I just want your signature.

09:57
你是說你們要簽我
You mean you want to sign me?

09:99
當然不是
Of course not.

10:01
我只是打算把你賣給老黑奴
I just want to sell you to the old black slave.

10:05
開個玩笑
Just kidding.

10:07
真的嗎
Really?

10:09
你們真的打算簽我嗎
Are you really going to sign me?

10:11
不是你媽,是你
It's not your mother, it's you.

10:13
我把你叫來當然是要簽你
I called you here to sign you.

10:15
太好了
That's great.

10:17
快點簽吧
Hurry up.

10:19
簽完我還要跟穆春拓爹吃飯
I have to have dinner with Mu Cun.

10:21
我的日語速成就要裁去哪了
Where is my Japanese...

10:23
我能不能先把合同帶回去看一下
I want to take back the contract and take a look.

10:25
出來這樣的新鮮人類都跟你一樣
He's a 45-year-old fortune teller.

10:27
不放心這個不放心那個
Because he also told me in 1950,

10:29
不過隨便你
Then I'll sign it.

10:31
你拿的是合同的封面
That's right.

10:33
合同的證文條款都在這
When you're done, you can put the door on the door.

10:51
你簽好之後就可以從門外把門帶上了
When you're done, you can put the door on the door.

10:53
然後等我電話
And then, when I call,

10:55
我會盡快安排你去菲律賓體檢的事宜
I will arrange for you to go to the Philippines for a medical check-up.

10:57
體檢
Medical check-up?

10:59
廢話,鄒榮賢都得體檢
Stop it. All the money can be checked.

11:01
你以為那些明星打娘胎裡出來
Do you think that those stars

11:03
就是英明生物狂金比例
are the golden ratio of the English living in the fetus.

11:05
別傻了
Don't be silly.

11:07
好的,那我等您電話
All right, then. I'll wait for your call.

11:09
什麼,我是騙子
What? I'm a liar?

11:13
當然不是
Of course not.

11:15
我只是皮包公司罷了
I'm just a company.

11:17
再說了,這年頭比我離譜的經紀人多的是
Besides, there are more people in the economy than me.

11:20
還不是有一批一批的傻小子傻小牛往裡蹦
There are still a bunch of silly kids and silly girls.

11:24
對了
By the way,

11:25
我得給我香港分公司的姐妹們發個短信
I have to send a message to my friends in Hong Kong.

11:27
此處人傻錢多,速來
This place is full of people and money. Come quickly.

11:35
[The End]
[The End]

11:37
Yes Yes Yes
Yes, yes, yes.

11:43
我成功了,經紀公司給我簽合同了
I've succeeded. The economy company signed the contract with me.

11:45
那你趕緊幫我簽個名吧
Then sign my name quickly.

11:47
現在
Now?

11:48
當然了
Of course.

11:49
等你火了之後
When you're done,

11:50
讓你簽名到要爬二十多公里呢
I'll ask you to sign a 20-kilometer-long road.

11:53
我得趕緊收藏起來
I have to collect it quickly.

11:54
麻煩您簽凱提
Please sign the card.

11:57
這樣容易識別
It's easier to recognize.

11:59
慢著
Wait.

12:01
你這張紙
Your paper...

12:03
房租繳納通知
is a notice of rent.

12:05
當然了
Of course.

12:07
當演員不用交房租的
You don't have to pay rent as an actor.

12:08
這次你可別賴皮,我有自據
Don't be a coward this time.

12:10
我有自據
I have my own opinion.

12:12
你們能不能對一顆正在燃燃生起的星星,有一點最起碼的尊重
Can you show some respect to a star who is still in the process of being born?

12:17
你以為我們在怕傻貓電視劇啊
Do you think we're afraid of silly TV series?

12:19
難不成幫你找一包群眾演員,為著你給你當鮮花
Can we find you a group of actors to make you a fairy?

12:23
不是我們打擊你,你這不是完全不靠譜
If we don't hit you, I don't think it's reliable.

12:27
中國男足世界盃奪冠和你的離譜程度其實差不多
The Chinese men's world cup is almost as good as yours.

12:29
喂,這不算打擊我啊
Hey, isn't that hitting me?

12:33
現在外邊這種演藝經紀公司多了去了
There are so many entertainment companies out there.

12:35
一塊板磚砌死十個人,九個是經紀人
Ten people are killed by a brick. Nine are the managers.

12:39
我們肯定是嫉妒我被星探發現了,而你們沒有
We must be jealous. The star scout found us. But you didn't.

12:43
誰說的,我早就被發現過
Who said that? I've been found out long ago.

12:45
你
You?

12:47
我演一個龍套角色
I'm an actor in a dragon suit.

12:48
他們真的讓我演龍,而且是套在一個龍的衣服道具裡
They really let me play a dragon. And it's in a dragon's clothes.

12:51
所以就叫龍套嘍
So it's called a dragon suit.

12:52
我現在可是有正規經紀人了
Hey, I have a regular manager now.

12:55
他會幫我規劃演藝道路的
He will help me plan the acting route.

12:57
我相信是王子總會騎上白馬
I believe that a prince will ride a white horse.

12:59
是金子總會閃出光芒
A gold will shine.

13:01
騎白馬的不一定是王子,也可能是唐僧
A prince will not ride a white horse. Maybe a monk.

13:05
這兩句太老套了,網上有新的
These two sentences are too old.

13:07
會燒香的不一定是和尚,也可能是熊貓
The one who can burn incense will not be a monk. Maybe a panda.

13:11
我有新的,有刺青的不一定是流氓,也可能是岳飛
I have a new one. The one who has a four-leaf clover may not be a rogue. Maybe a moon fly.

13:15
我還有我還有,能飛天的不一定是大鳥,也可能是李妮
The one who can fly may not be a big bird. Maybe a moth.

13:21
瞧瞧瞧瞧,我經紀人
Look. My manager.

13:23
喂,珊姐
Hello, Sister Shan.

13:25
小子,你走運了
You're lucky, kid.

13:27
我把你的資料給了一個劇組
I gave your information to a crew.

13:29
他們的製片人很滿意,想讓你演男一號
Their producer is very satisfied. He wants you to play the male lead.

13:33
真的嗎
Really?

13:35
當然不是
Of course not.

13:37
這個年度誰會用一個沒有名氣的傢伙做男一號
Who would use a guy without a name to play the male lead this year?

13:39
除非這個製片人是瘋子
Unless the producer is crazy.

13:41
不過不要緊,他們會幫你安排一個配角
But it doesn't matter. They will arrange a supporting role for you.

13:45
有一個背對畫面一刀捅死的感覺
There is a scene where you are stabbed to death by a camera.

13:51
這個
This...

13:52
你被捅了之後可以轉過來嗎
Silly. You can turn around when you are stabbed.

13:55
沒有人會為了這個再來一條,多了沒,剪片
No one will come for this. It's a waste of film.

13:59
那什麼時候開拍
When will we start shooting?

14:01
可能要再等一陣子,劇組有點小困難
It may take a while. It's a little difficult.

14:05
什麼困難
What's difficult?

14:07
錢不夠,演員未定,劇本暫無
We don't have enough money. The actor hasn't decided. The script is not good.

14:09
什麼
What?

14:11
不要緊,有一個戲角城要開張,需要拍廣告,我推薦了你
It doesn't matter. There is a film set that needs to be shot. It needs to be advertised. I recommend you.

14:14
太好了,廣告也可以啊
Great. Advertising is also fine.

14:16
要感謝就感謝你的爸媽,天生沒給你長什麼腿毛
Good boy. If you want to thank me, thank your parents. I didn't give you any leg hair.

14:21
我等會把廣告的腳本傳真給你,你給我認真看
I will pass on the script to you later. You should watch it carefully.

14:25
否則我把你全身的毛都給剃了
Otherwise, I will kick you.

14:31
聽到沒有
Did you hear that?

14:33
我要拍廣告
I want to shoot an advertisement.

14:35
什麼廣告,戲角城的廣告
What advertisement? The advertisement for the shower.

14:37
我就說一定不出臉
I said I wouldn't show my face.

14:41
出臉是好事,咱也丟不起那個人
It's a good thing. We can't lose that person.

14:43
搞不好人家以為戲角城開在咱們家
Maybe they think the shower is in our house.

14:49
喂
Hello.

14:51
行了以後別再打電話過來了
Stop calling me.

14:55
誰帶來的,該死惡作劇
Who brought it? You should be dead.

14:59
每當我在等很重要的傳真的時候
Every time I am waiting for an important transmission,

15:01
總有個混蛋打電話過來,然後發出一連串的怪叫
there will be a bastard calling me. And he will make a series of strange sounds.

15:14
朱迪已经被我放长假了
OK. I have paid the price.

15:15
今天就是你上班的第一天
Today is the first day of your work.

15:18
是 先生,请给我布置任务吧
Yes, sir. Please give me a task.

15:20
你首先要学的就是帮我接电话
The first thing you need to learn is to help me answer the phone.

15:22
朱迪最大的问题,就是无论什么电话,她都会脑子动也不动地通通转给我
The biggest problem is that no matter what call, he will give me all the calls.

15:28
上次有个听众打电话来,投诉我们的节目为什么没有图像
Last time, a listener called me and complained that our show had no image.

15:31
她居然转给我了
He actually gave me the call.

15:33
我们这不是个广播节目,这种电话需要转给我
We are a broadcast program. Do you need to give me this call?

15:44
明白了,就是要帮你过滤掉那些笨笨的问题
I understand. I just want to help you filter out those stupid questions.

15:48
聪明
Smart.

15:49
其实一百个人就有一百种意见,你不能让所有的人都满意
In fact, there are 100 opinions for 100 people. You can't make everyone satisfied.

15:53
因为不是所有人,都是人
Because not everyone is a human.

15:55
电话来了
The phone is ringing.

16:00
喂 你好
Hello.

16:04
这里是曾小衔的节目组,请问有什么可以帮您
This is Zeng Xiaoxian's program. Can I help you?

16:07
哦 很抱歉,他正在录节目
Sorry, he is recording a program.

16:09
你有什么意见可以跟我说
You can tell me if you have any opinions.

16:11
您的意见对我们的进步非常重要
Your opinion is very important to our progress.

16:14
请留下您的电话号码
Please leave your phone number.

16:15
方便的时候他会给您回电话
He will call you back when it's convenient.

16:18
方便留下您的全名吗
Is it convenient to leave your full name?

16:20
哦 好的,希望您再次来电
Okay, I hope you can come again.

16:23
谢谢 再见
Thank you, goodbye.

16:24
他提了什么意见
What did he say?

16:30
他说想让你的节目换个时间段
He said he wanted to change your program's time.

16:32
我就说我这些听众,经常会提一些脑残的意见
I told you that my listeners often mention some smart opinions.

16:37
万一,没想到你第一次就做得这么出色
Wanyu, I didn't expect you to be so good for the first time.

16:40
以前我爸的秘书都是这么做的
My father's secretary used to do this.

16:43
不错 继续努力
Not bad, keep working hard.

16:45
谢谢老板
Thank you, boss.

16:46
不要这样,我有点不习惯
Don't be like this. I'm a little bit not used to it.

16:53
但是感觉还是蛮舒服的
But it feels very comfortable.

16:56
对了,名字和电话我都放在桌子上了
Oh, I have put the name and phone number on the table.

17:01
随他去吧
Let him go.

17:02
他说他叫台长
He said his name is boss.

17:03
这年头居然有人姓谭
This year, someone's surname is Tan.

17:07
我 台长
Boss.

17:14
子强,听说你签了演艺公司了
Ziqiao, I heard you signed up for the entertainment company.

17:29
你也想来挖库啊
You want to come to Waku, too?

17:31
怎么会呢,替你高兴还来不及呢
How come? It's too late to be happy for you.

17:34
他们不看好你
They don't like you.

17:36
我没说过
I didn't say that.

17:37
还是关谷兄你见过世面
You're the one who has seen the world.

17:40
子强,你的经纪人是不是认识很多大导演
Ziqiao, do your agent know a lot of directors?

17:46
说不定啊
Maybe.

17:48
怎么,你也想改行当演员
What? You want to change your career to be an actor?

17:51
不是,是這樣的
No, it's like this.

17:53
我有一个想法
I have an idea.

17:54
就是在最快的時間可以讓別人關注到我的漫畫
In the shortest time, I can get people to pay attention to my comic.

17:57
就是找大導演,把我的漫畫改編成電影
I'll ask the director to change my comic into a movie.

18:01
改編
Change?

18:02
你看,《甲飛貓》就是從漫畫改編的電影
Look, "Jia Fei Mo" is a movie that changes from a comic.

18:04
還有《直覺俠》,《變形》這個...等等
And "The Chosen One" is a movie that transforms... Wait.

18:07
可別人都是搞笑片科幻片,你畫的是少女漫畫不一樣的
But others are all funny and sci-fi movies. You drew a different girl's comic.

18:12
所以我已經物色好方向了
So I've already found a good direction.

18:15
誰
Who?

18:16
王家威
Wang Jia Wei.

18:18
哇
Wow.

18:20
可你的主角是只貓啊
But your protagonist is a cat.

18:21
我看了很多雜誌,他們說自從集結好之後,他一直沒有找到合適的劇本
I've read a lot of magazines. They say that since "The Chosen One" he hasn't found a suitable script.

18:26
我相信我的愛情三角貓一定會讓他眼前一亮
I believe my love triangle cat will definitely make him shine.

18:29
然後創造出寂無忌和世面埋伏之後又一次跳放奇蹟
And then when he creates a chicken, a chicken, and a ten-sided ambush, he will jump into the chicken again.

18:34
哇塞,看來你還做了不少功課啊
Wow, it seems that you've done a lot of homework.

18:38
可你說的這些都不是王家威拍的
But all of these you said are not made by Wang Jia Wei.

18:40
是嗎,《無極》不是愛情片嗎
Really? Isn't "The Chosen One" a love story?

18:43
一看你又不懂電影,《無極》是恐怖片
You don't understand movies at first sight. "The Chosen One" is a horror movie.

18:49
這樣吧,明天帶你去見我的經紀人
How about this? I'll take you to see my agent tomorrow.

18:51
說不定他在百忙之中幫你打兩個電話
Maybe he'll call you in the middle of a busy day.

18:54
真的嗎,太好了,謝謝
Really? That's great. Thank you.

19:03
歡迎收聽你的月亮我的星,好男人就是我,我就是曾小賢
Welcome to "Your Moon, My Heart". I'm the good man. I'm Zeng Xiao Xian.

19:13
今天晚上小賢非常開心,因為我有幸迎來了一位新的電話編輯
Tonight, Xiao Xian is very happy. Because I'm lucky to have a new phone editor.

19:19
當你抬起頭看到一位美女正在和你一起工作,心情是如此的心曠神怡啊
When you raise your head, you see a beautiful woman working with you. You feel so excited.

19:25
好了言歸正傳
Okay, let's get back to the point.

19:32
接下來進入我們今天的聽眾來電環節
Next, let's get into today's "Listener's Call".

19:35
你有什麼困擾或者煩惱都可以撥打我們的熱線電話
You can call us anytime you have any trouble or trouble.

19:38
一段優美的音樂過後,我們將接入今天第一位聽眾的來電
After a beautiful music, we'll get into today's first "Listener's Call".

19:42
喂 你好,這裡是你的月亮我的星
Hello, this is "Your Moon, My Heart".

19:48
不過我不是曾小賢,我是他的電話編輯,請問有什麼...
But I'm not Zeng Xiao Xian. I'm his phone editor. May I help you?

19:52
我很抱歉,他在直播,你有什麼問題我可以告訴他
I'm sorry, he's on live. If you have any questions, I can tell him.

20:01
婉瑜
Wanyu.

20:21
也許今天的電話非常忙,我們的電話編輯正在排隊,請稍等
Maybe today's call is very busy. Our phone editor is waiting in line. Please wait a moment.

20:30
讓我們一起欣賞一首《山頂洞人之歌》
Let's enjoy a song of "The Song of the Cavemen".

20:34
我已經留下了聯繫方式,他在直播,如果有問題可以等會打過來,謝謝拜拜
I've already left the contact information. He's on live. If you have any questions, you can call us later. Thank you. Bye.

20:41
你在幹嘛
What are you doing?

20:46
我在工作啊,你看我都留下了他們的電話,我都快忙不過來了
I'm working. Look, I've left all their phone numbers. I'm almost too busy.

20:51
為什麼這些聽眾這麼無聊,都說想見你
Why are these listeners so boring? They all said they wanted to see you.

20:56
因為現在是《山頂洞人之歌》環節
Because this is the "The Song of the Cavemen" part.

20:59
別擔心,我已經處理好了所有的問題,我會擋下世界上所有的傻問題
Don't worry. I've already dealt with all the questions. I'll stop all the stupid questions in the world.

21:04
如果你不這麼做,你比咔咔還傻
If you don't, you'll be more stupid than Ka Ka.

21:08
那我今晚該說什麼
Then what should I say tonight?

21:11
說你平時說的啊
Say what you usually say.

21:13
我平時都是聽電話幫他們處理問題
I usually listen to the call and help them deal with the problem.

21:17
你不是讓我幫你過濾掉問題嗎
Didn't you ask me to delete the questions for you?

21:20
那你也不能把所有的問題都刪掉啊
Then you can't delete all the questions.

21:25
那我該怎麼辦
What should I do?

21:26
幫我把這個接進來,如果我不說話我就有麻煩了
Help me get this one in. If I don't speak, I'll be in trouble.

21:29
哪一個
Which one of them?

21:30
下一個
The next one.

21:31
好的
Okay.

21:33
喂?
Hello?

21:34
你好
Hello.

21:38
歡迎回來,讓我們聽聽第一位聽眾
Welcome back. Let's listen to the first listener.

21:41
喂?
Hello?

21:43
曾老師?
Teacher Zeng?

21:44
沒錯,好男人就是我,我就是曾小賢
That's right. I'm the good man. I'm Zeng Xiao Xi.

21:47
我有麻煩了,我不敢說,但這說來話長
I'm in trouble. I'm afraid to say it. But it's a long story.

21:51
沒關係,我會保密的
It's okay. I'll keep it to myself.

21:54
我愛上了我的同事阿志,但我沒告訴他
I fell in love with my colleague, Ah Zhi. But I didn't tell him.

21:58
我告訴了我的同事阿浩,他答應不告訴任何人
I told my colleague, Ah Hao. He promised not to tell anyone.

22:01
但我的同事阿德告訴我,阿浩偷偷告訴了另一個同事阿林
But my colleague, Ah De, told me. Ah Hao secretly told another colleague, Ah Lin.

22:04
阿林是阿志的前女友,阿林和阿蘭關係很好
Ah Lin is Ah Zhi's ex-girlfriend. Ah Lan is very close to Ah Lan.

22:07
我怕阿林會告訴阿蘭,阿蘭會告訴阿志,那我多尷尬
I'm afraid Ah Lin will tell Ah Lan. And Ah Lan will tell Ah Zhi. Then I'll be embarrassed.

22:11
幸好阿蘭愛上了阿德,所以我讓阿德幫我解決這個問題
Luckily, Ah Lan is in love with Ah De. So I asked Ah De to help me solve this problem.

22:15
阿德告訴我阿蘭已經和他分手了,他現在和阿林關係很好,他讓我去找阿林
Ah De told me that Ah Lan had broken up with him. He's now on good terms with Ah Lin. He asked me to go to Ah Lin.

22:18
但阿林告訴我阿浩什麼都沒告訴他
But Ah Lin told me that Ah Hao didn't tell him anything.

22:20
現在我迷茫了,我該相信誰
Now I'm confused. Who should I believe?

22:24
阿歐
Ah Ou.

22:25
我說的是阿志,不是阿歐,阿歐是我的同事,阿歐是阿林的大哥
I'm talking about Ah Zhi, not Ah Ou. Ah Ou is my colleague. Ah Ou is Ah Lin's brother.

22:30
我不能告訴他我喜歡的人是他大哥的前女友,那關係就更亂了
I can't tell him that the person I like is your brother's ex-girlfriend. Then the relationship will be more chaotic.

22:34
我該告訴誰?阿林、阿志、阿蘭、阿德、阿浩還是阿歐?
Who should I tell? Ah Lin, Ah Zhi, Ah Lan, Ah De, Ah Hao or Ah Ou?

22:38
公雞叫誰我就選誰
I'll choose whoever the rooster calls.

22:44
阿梯!
Ah Ti!

22:47
阿梯!
Ah Ti!

22:48
你怎麼知道我們公司有個同事叫阿梯?
How do you know that I have a colleague in my company called Ah Ti?

22:51
他和阿林是仇人,也許是因為他愛上了阿蘭,但阿梯和阿浩很親密,所以我...
He and Ah Lin are enemies. Maybe it's because he's in love with Ah Lan. But Ah Ti and Ah Hao are close. So I...

22:56
進來吧
Come in.

23:00
珊姐,我想給你介紹個朋友
Sister Shan, I want to introduce a friend to you.

23:03
真的嗎,你想進演藝圈?
Really? You want to join the showbiz?

23:05
你好,我是關谷
Hello, I'm Guang Gu.

23:08
關谷來自日本,請多關照
Guang Gu is from Japan. Please follow me.

23:11
日本人,你在你自己的地方混不下去就跑到國外演藝圈來了?
Japanese. You can't get around in your own place, so you come to the showbiz abroad?

23:15
你誤會了,其實我是個漫畫家
You misunderstood. Actually, I'm a cartoonist.

23:19
難怪你看起來和這些傻演員不一樣
No wonder you look different from these stupid actors.

23:23
謝謝
Thank you.

23:24
但我喜歡他們帶有一點溫暖和溫柔
But I like them with a little warmth and tenderness.

23:28
珊姐,你認識很多導演,能把我朋友的漫畫介紹給他們嗎?
Sister Shan, you know a lot of directors. Can you introduce my friend's comic to them?

23:34
看看有沒有機會改成電影
See if there's a chance to change it into a movie.

23:36
是的,這是我的作品,請過目
Yes, this is my work. Please have a look.

23:38
啊,你的女主角穿衣服了嗎?
Ah, is your heroine wearing clothes?

23:41
沒有
No.

23:42
那就好
That's good.

23:43
我的女主角是一隻貓
My heroine is a cat.

23:44
哦,一隻貓
Oh, a cat.

23:46
珊姐,你認識很多導演,你可以給他們打電話,也許有導演感興趣
Sister Shan, you know a lot of directors. You can call them. Maybe some director will be interested.

23:51
比如王家衛
For example, Wang Jiahui.

23:54
哦,有道理,我沒想到
Oh, that makes sense. I didn't expect that.

23:58
王家衛,你吃飯了嗎?
Wang Jiahui, have you eaten?

24:02
沒有?有空多吃點
No. You can eat more when you're free.

24:06
我有一個朋友是漫畫家,請幫忙把他的漫畫改成電影
I have a friend who is a cartoonist. Please help me change his comic into a movie.

24:12
是的,女主角是一隻貓,你可以讓梁朝偉來演
Yes, the heroine is a cat. You can let Liang Chaowei play it.

24:16
也許這次能吸引奧斯卡
Maybe Oscar will be attracted this time.

24:21
王家衛說什麼了?
What did Wang Jiahui say?

24:24
沒問題
No problem.

24:25
真的嗎?
Really?

24:26
當然不是,你瘋了嗎?
Of course not. Are you out of your mind?

24:30
王家衛,我有一個朋友是漫畫家,你要他嗎?
Wang Jiahui, I have a friend who is a cartoonist. Do you want him?

24:34
我警告你,我每天坐在這高檔辦公室裡不是為了幫你解決問題的
I'm warning you. I'm not sitting in this high-end office every day to solve problems for you.

24:40
讓我告訴你經紀人該做什麼:首先你得成名,幫我賺很多錢,然後我再來拍你的屁股
Let me tell you what an agent should do. First, you have to become famous and make a lot of money for me. Then I'll come to shoot your ass.

24:52
聽到了嗎?
Do you hear me?

24:53
珊姐對不起,我們這就走
Sister Shan, I'm sorry. We're leaving.

24:56
等等,我有一份工作找你這個漫畫家
Wait. I have a job to find you who is a cartoonist.

25:03
什麼工作?
What job?

25:04
幫我畫畫,就是《泰坦尼克號》裡傑克給露絲畫的那種
Help me draw. It's the one that Jack in Titanic drew for Rose.

25:12
看,我把項鍊都準備好了,幫我畫吧
Look. I've prepared the necklace. Help me draw.

25:18
好好想想吧
Just think about it.

25:22
等找到導演我再考慮
I'll think about it when you find a director.

25:27
好吧
Okay.

25:28
婉瑜,我得教你怎麼當個電話編輯
Wanyun, I have to teach you how to be a phone editor.

25:37
你不是說我做得很好嗎?
Didn't you say I've done it well?

25:40
沒錯,你很有天賦,但有些地方需要改進
That's right. You are very talented. But there are some places that need improvement.

25:44
聽著,電話編輯是一門藝術:你不能接所有的電話,也不能不接所有的電話
Listen. Phone editing is an art. You can't answer all the calls. You can't not answer all the calls.

25:50
你應該問問後面打來的人想說什麼,篩選處理後再回答
You should ask the people who called later what they want to say. Then you can answer them after screening and processing.

25:57
怎麼處理?
How to process?

25:58
首先,不要回答那些反人類的話題
First, don't answer those anti-human topics.

26:02
什麼是反人類?你指的是恐怖分子嗎?
What's anti-human? You mean the terrorists?

26:04
你可以幫他們解決情感問題,就像上次打電話的那個人,出現了十多個人物,名字也差不多
You can help them solve emotional problems. Just like the one who called last time. There are more than ten people who appear. And the names are almost the same.

26:11
這是嚴重的反人類,只有外星人才能聽懂他在說什麼
This is a serious anti-human. Only aliens can understand what he said.

26:16
然後是那些爛劇,你需要記住他們的真實姓名和電話號碼,這樣他們就不會傻了
Then there are the bad dramas. You need to remember their real names and phone numbers. Then they won't be stupid.

26:22
還有那些根本不知道自己在說什麼的人
And those people who don't even know what they are talking about.

26:25
什麼意思?
What do you mean?

26:26
那些打電話來情緒激動的人,你應該先讓他們說,然後幫他們整理思路
Those people who called and got emotional. You should let them say it first. Then help them sort out their thoughts.

26:34
比如現在幾點了?人物有誰?核心思想是什麼?然後你再回答
For example, what time is it? What are the characters? What is the core idea? Then you can answer them.

26:40
否則不僅我聽不懂,其他聽眾也聽不懂
Otherwise, not only I can't understand. I can't understand other listeners either.

26:44
啊,原來打電話有這麼多講究
Ah, so there are so many ways to make phone calls.

26:48
當然了,我大學畢業就開始打電話了,剛開始我的經歷和你很像
Of course. I graduated from college and started making phone calls. When I first started, my experience was very similar to yours.

27:03
其實如果我能分清哪些電話該接哪些不該接,我幹嘛還當電台主持人?
Actually, if I could distinguish which phone calls should be answered and which ones shouldn't be answered, why would I still be a radio host?

27:06
啊,別管了,我太難過了
Ah, stop it. I'm so sad.

27:21
來了
Coming.

27:24
呂子喬
Lü Ziqiao.

27:28
哦抱歉,我搞錯了
Oh, sorry, I was wrong.

27:31
沒錯他住這,請進,你是...
That's right, he lives here. Please come in. You are...

27:35
他的經紀人
His agent.

27:38
你是誰?呂子喬有女兒了?
Who are you? Lü Ziqiao has a daughter?

27:41
其實我是他的室友,很高興你把我叫得這麼年輕,但子喬能叫出我這麼漂亮的女兒嗎?
Actually, I'm his roommate. I'm glad you called me so young. But can Ziqiao call me such a beautiful daughter?

27:46
開玩笑的,其實你看起來像子喬的阿姨,你肯定沒理解我的幽默
I'm just kidding. Actually, you look like Ziqiao's aunt. You definitely didn't understand my humor.

27:53
呂子喬,你的經紀人來了
Lü Ziqiao, your agent is here.

27:55
珊姐你怎麼來了?請坐請坐
Sister Shan, why are you here? Please sit. Please sit.

27:58
你這地方和我想像的差不多,你跳舞技術不錯
Your place is almost the same as I imagined. You have good dancing skills.

28:04
你得注意你的生活環境,只有在好的環境裡才能找到你的藝術體系
You have to pay attention to your living environment. Only in a good environment can you find your artistic system.

28:10
哦我忘了,你沒錢買別墅
Oh, I forgot. You don't have money to buy a villa.

28:15
我會努力的,婚紗廣告怎麼樣了?
I will work hard. How's the advertisement for the wedding dress?

28:18
台詞我都背好了
I've memorized the lines.

28:20
沒錯,一共三句台詞,而且每一句都像生死考驗
That's right. Three lines in total. And they are all like life and death.

28:23
看看珊姐給你準備的新廣告
Look at the new advertisement Sister Shan prepared for you.

28:26
真的嗎?"腿毛就像剪髮機"
Really? "Leg hair is like a hair-cutting machine."

28:29
但我腿毛不多啊
But I don't have much leg hair.

28:31
所以我想要你有一腿濃密的腿毛
So I want you to have a thick leg hair.

28:35
你很幸運,有這麼多廣告,接下來的三個月我給你訂了一雙鞋、一雙男士襪子和一副太陽鏡
You are lucky. You have so many advertisements. In the next three months, I will book you a pair of shoes, a pair of men's socks, and a pair of sunglasses.

28:44
為什麼都是半身像?
Why are they all half-dressed?

28:46
別怕,你得從錢開始,你不懂經紀人的運作規則
Don't be afraid. You have to start with the money. You don't understand the operating rules of an agent.

28:52
你替我簽字,我幫你簽合同,合同我抽五成
You signed for me. I will sign the contract for you. I will raise 50% of the contract.

28:59
那告訴我零的五成是多少?
Then tell me how much is 50% of zero?

29:04
你還記得二、四、三嗎?你們這些蠢貨,我要殺了你們
Do you remember the second, fourth, and third? You idiots, I will kill you.

29:08
我告訴你,如果你搞砸了,我就把你賣到菲律賓去
I tell you, if you make a mess, I will sell you to the Philippines.

29:12
我會認真對待你的
I will treat you seriously.

29:15
這還差不多,買完三個廣告後我可以把你送到劇組去
That's more like it. After you buy three ads, I can send you to the crew.

29:21
對了,這是廣告的定金
Oh, right. This is the deposit for the advertisement.

29:25
哇,真漂亮,閃閃發光,我以前從沒見過
Wow. It's so beautiful. It's so shiny. I've never seen you before.

29:33
珊姐你看我,我腿上毛也不多
Sister Shan, look at me. I don't have much hair on my legs.

29:37
你看起來挺漂亮的,真好看
You look pretty. You look so good.

29:43
我給你介紹一家專業的時尚經紀公司,很多韓國明星都在那工作:金喜善、河莉秀、車太賢都在
I will introduce you a professional fashion agency. Many Korean stars work there. Jin Xishan, He Lixiu, and Chetai Men. They are all there.

29:51
你可以付我名字的五成,等我搞定就去找你
You can pay 50% of my name. I will come to you when I'm done.

29:54
真的嗎?謝謝!
Really? Thank you.

29:56
不客氣,這家時尚經紀公司是我開的,對付這種女孩我從未失手過
You're welcome. I opened this fashion agency. I haven't lost my hand in dealing with this kind of girl.

30:05
珊姐辛苦了,以後有什麼需要隨時叫我,不用為我跑來跑去
Sister Shan, you've worked so hard. If you need anything in the future, just call me. You don't have to run away for me.

30:12
當然不用,我是來找那個小畫家的
Of course not. I'm here to find that little painter.

30:18
小畫家,關谷
Little painter. Guan Gu.

30:21
你怎麼了?
What's wrong with you?

30:25
他在和她說話
He's talking to her.

30:27
他讓你給他畫畫了嗎?
Did he ask you to draw him?

30:29
沒有,我只是憑記憶畫出來的
No. I just drew him out of memory.

30:31
小畫家,上次你給我畫的女女人真漂亮
Little painter. The woman you drew me last time was so pretty.

30:37
我個妹妹想讓你幫她畫一張,可以嗎?
I have a sister who wants you to draw her. Can you do that?

30:42
我喜歡逗他
I like to tease him.

30:48
交房租
Pay the rent.

30:54
羽墨,我是來請你手下留情的,我好不容易接了個廣告,別整我好嗎?
Yu Fei, I'm here to ask you to show some mercy. I finally got an advertisement. Don't mess with me, okay?

31:01
把上個月房租交了我就跟你談,一言為定
Pay the rent last month. I'll talk to you. Deal.

31:05
這是珊姐嗎?子喬經常提起你
Is this Sister Shan? Ziqiao often mentions you.

31:08
她是誰?你媽還是你繼母?
Who is she? Your mother or your stepmother?

31:12
你身材真好,但你的風格出賣了你的真實年齡
You have a good figure. But your style betrays your real age.

31:18
我是她的朋友
I'm her friend.

31:22
子喬很努力,為了拍這個廣告,他女朋友每天幫他背台詞,我在隔壁都听到了
Ziqiao has worked hard. To shoot this advertisement, his girlfriend recites lines for him every day. I even heard it next door.

31:29
等等,你說什麼?
Wait. What did you say?

31:32
我說別瞎說
I said don't talk nonsense.

31:35
我說什麼了?
What did I say?

31:36
對啊,她說什麼了?
Yes. What did she say?

31:38
你女朋友,你有女朋友了,為什麼不早說?
Your girlfriend. You have a girlfriend. Why didn't you say it earlier?

31:44
珊姐別走,你看到合同了嗎?我們公司的藝人不能隨便談戀愛
Sister Shan, don't go. Have you seen the contract? Our company's artists can't date casually.

31:51
你現在有女朋友了,你怎麼哄她?我怎麼安排八卦?沒有八卦怎麼聽報導?沒有報導你怎麼哄她?
You have a girlfriend now. How can you coax her? How can I arrange the gossip? How can you hear the report without the gossip? You can't coax her without the report.

31:59
珊姐我可以演力派
Sister Shan, I can be a power-play.

32:02
我忘了,我還有個建議:你為什麼不演菠蘿劇?演香蕉劇更好,你想試試嗎?
I forgot. I have another suggestion. Why don't you be a pineapple-play? It's better to be a banana-play. Do you want to try?

32:11
珊姐...
Sister Shan.

32:15
她走了
She left.

32:17
小花椒,好好想想我剛才說的話,別躲了,我看到你了
Little Huajiao. Think about what I said just now. Don't hide. I saw you.

32:36
各位,我們現在在《月光之夜》觀眾見面室
Everyone, we are at the "Light of the Moon" audience meeting room.

32:39
一段優美的音樂過後,我們將進入第一個觀眾見面室,婉瑜準備好了嗎?
After a beautiful music, we will enter the first audience meeting room. Wan Yi, are you ready?

32:49
你確定都通過了嗎?好,接進來
Are you sure you have been through it? Okay, come in.

32:54
觀眾朋友你好,聽得見嗎?
Hello, audience. Can you hear me?

32:57
你怎麼突然變成男的了?你有什麼問題?
Why did you suddenly become a man? What's your problem?

33:04
我女友發短信給我說要跟我分手
My girlfriend texted me. She said she wanted to break up with me.

33:08
發短信分手?沒什麼,收到分手短信後我並不難過,她說很抱歉她犯了錯
Break up with her by texting? It's nothing. After I received the text she asked me to break up with, I didn't feel sad. She said she was sorry and made a mistake.

33:23
看來你女朋友另有新歡了,我建議你和她分手
It seems that your girlfriend has someone else. I suggest you to break up with her.

33:28
你在說什麼?誰有你這樣的女朋友?剛才那位小姐可不是這麼說的
What are you talking about? Who has a girlfriend like you? That lady just now didn't say that.

33:34
她說可能是個惡作劇,讓我先確認再做決定
She said it might be a prank. Let me confirm first before making a decision.

33:38
五分鐘前我收到短信,是我同學用我女友手機開玩笑,幸好那位小姐提醒我,否則我真想不到
Five minutes ago, I received a text that my classmate was joking with my girlfriend's phone. Fortunately, your lady reminded me. Otherwise, I really can't think of anything.

33:46
那你為什麼求助?
Then why did you ask for help?

33:49
我沒說我有問題,我只是打電話來謝謝她
I didn't say I had a problem. I just called to thank her.

33:52
你怎麼突然變成男的了?你是誰?
Why did you suddenly become a man? Who are you?

33:56
抱歉,我幫你轉接其他觀眾,抱歉
Sorry. I'll help you to transfer the audience. Sorry.

34:00
這位觀眾真有意思,由此可見我們不該太衝動,做事前應該問清楚
The audience was really interesting. From this, we can see that we shouldn't be too reckless. We should ask everything clearly before doing it.

34:11
讓我們聽聽下一位觀眾的故事:你好這位觀眾,我是主持人曾小賢,聽得見嗎?
Let's listen to the story of the next audience. Hello, this audience. I'm the host, Zeng Xiaoxian. Can you hear me?

34:20
聽得見
I can hear you.

34:26
這位觀眾請說快點
This audience, please speak faster.

34:29
我也想啊,但聽到陌生的聲音我就緊張
I want to do that too. But when I heard a strange voice, I was nervous.

34:38
你有什麼問題要問嗎?
Do you have any questions to ask?

34:40
剛才和接線員說話時她挺好的,我一點都不緊張,現在我又緊張了
I was talking to the receptionist and she was pretty good. I wasn't nervous at all. Now I'm nervous again.

34:52
你能幫我把她換回來嗎?
Can you help me take her back?

34:59
好的
Okay.

35:04
朱迪你在哪?你再不回來我就要被解僱了
Zhu Di, where are you? If you don't come back, I'll be fired.

35:21
婉瑜工作怎麼樣?
How's your work, Man Yu?

35:23
很好,我很開心
Very good. I'm very happy.

35:25
問問你爸要不要把電台買下來,我寧願做標本
Ask your father if he wants to buy the radio station. I'd rather do the standard.

35:30
這不是珊姐嗎?你怎麼在這?
Isn't this Sister Shan? Why are you here?

35:33
我來找關谷,她去醫院了,她的針也越來越嚴重了,把這些給她,這是紀念品,她看到了
I'm here to find Guanggu. She went to the hospital. Her needle is also getting worse. Please give these to her. It's a souvenir. She saw it.

35:42
珊姐你怎麼在這?坐吧
Sister Shan, why are you here? Sit down.

35:46
聽說這有新水龍頭,你想跟我一起試試嗎?我...
I heard there's a new water tap here. You want to try it with me? Me.

35:54
珊姐請坐
Sister Shan, please sit down.

35:57
小子不用討好我,你的好日子結束了,我已經讓律師解約了
You don't have to please me, kid. Your good days are over. I've already told the lawyer to cancel your contract.

36:03
別這樣珊姐,聽我解釋
No, Sister Shan. Listen to me.

36:04
你想說什麼?我不管你是驢、蠢貨還是笨蛋,在我眼裡只有兩種人:一種善於哄人,另一種從不善於哄人,你在哪一組?
What do you want to say? I don't care if you're a donkey, a fool or a fool. There are only two types of people in my eyes. One is good at coaxing, and the other is never good at coaxing. Which group are you in?

36:17
我...
I...

36:18
你不在那一組,因為你從未進過我的眼
You're not in that group because you've never been in my eyes.

36:22
我知道
I know.

36:23
你當然知道,因為水龍頭廣告我已經安排給木村避災了
Of course you know. Because of the water tap ad, I've arranged it for Mu Cun to get rid of the disaster.

36:28
珊姐我們商量一下,其實我想過了,我女友是...
Sister Shan, let's discuss this. Actually, I've thought about it. My girlfriend is...

36:32
閉嘴!我可以給你更多時間思考,一輩子夠嗎?去拿官印吧
Stop talking. I can give you more time to think about it. Is it enough for a lifetime? Go and get the official.

36:40
傻魚你比怪獸有出息多了
Silly fish, you're more promising than the monster.

36:44
你在幹嘛?
What are you doing?

36:50
別弄了,這不是紙卷,再說就破了
Stop it. It's not a paper roll. If you keep talking, it'll break.

36:53
別瞎說破不了,今天要有什麼差錯,我的未來就跟紙卷一樣破了
Stop talking nonsense. It won't break. If there's anything wrong today, my future will be like a paper roll. It'll be broken.

36:59
記住,按計劃行事
Remember, do as planned.

37:01
等等,你不能反悔,兩年,兩年房租
Wait. You can't go back on your promise. Two years. Two years' rent.

37:05
三年,一天都不能少
Three years. One day is not enough.

37:07
三年太多了,我告訴他我懷孕了
Three years is too much. I'll tell him that I'm pregnant.

37:12
你...
You...

37:13
兩年半,你還是雙胞胎
Two and a half years. You're still a twin.

37:16
兩年八個月,我是雙胞胎長得快
Two years and eight months. I'm a twin. I'm growing fast.

37:19
三年夠了,你真會瞎扯
Three years is enough. You're so good at talking nonsense.

37:21
跟你學的,記住我們在做本職工作
I learned it from you. Remember, we're doing our job.

37:25
要先熱身嗎?是不是太突然了?
Should we warm up first? Isn't it too sudden?

37:29
熱身?沒看到別人都走了嗎?出了這扇門再熱身!
Warm up? Didn't you see that others are leaving? You're still warming up after leaving this door.

37:33
記住我說的,我們是專業演員,一起吃飯不排練,每天都在直播!停!
Remember, I told you. We're professional actors. We don't rehearse when we eat together. We're live-streaming every day. Stop.

37:50
結束了
It's over.

37:51
聽說這有新紅電話,有什麼想跟我試試的嗎?
I heard that there's a new red phone here. Do you have anything to try with me?

38:00
我不去,你們誰都不許走!我要你們聽聽這廢話然後告訴我真相
I'm not going. None of you are allowed to leave. I want you to hear this nonsense and tell me the truth.

38:06
該死,已經開始了,這話題太直白了
Damn. It's already started. This is too much of a straight-forward topic.

38:10
看看你的臉,和你在一起我手機都沒信號,在路上走都看不到太陽
Look at your face. I have no signal on my phone when I'm with you. I can't even see the sun when I walk on the horse.

38:16
你瘋了嗎?你就是個一天離開我三次的恐龍,我每天晚上都噴你水
Have you lost your mind? You're a dinosaur who leaves me three times a day. I'll spray you with water every night.

38:23
你知道我討厭什麼嗎?你上馬後不洗澡,剛才也沒洗,看著就噁心
Do you know what I hate? You don't shower after you get on the horse. You didn't shower just now. It's disgusting when I look at you.

38:29
咖啡館不是有男女廁所嗎?怎麼有你這麼不要臉的男人?
Isn't there a men's and women's bathroom in the coffee shop? How can there be a man who is as shameless as you?

38:36
我用血汗換來的,我要打你
I got a bunch of blood and sweat. I'm going to hit you.

38:39
你能別這麼衝動嗎?
Can you stop being so reckless?

38:42
我衝動?你剛才表現得很好,我還不夠大度,哭的時候還能有所作為
I'm being reckless. You did well just now. I'm not big enough. I can still make a difference when I cry.

38:50
你連演戲都不行,還缺少點殺氣,你敢哭試試!
You're not even good at acting. You're still lacking in some killing spirit. Don't you dare cry.

38:56
於子強,你是我見過最垃圾、最差勁、最不要臉的男人
Yu Ziqiang. You're the most trash, the worst, and the most shameless man I've ever seen.

39:02
看到你我家族基因肯定會扭曲,我也會越來越爛
When I see you, my family's genes will definitely be distorted. And I'll become more and more rotten.

39:06
陳美嘉,你是我見過全世界最平胸的女人
Chen Meijia. You're the most flat-chested woman I've ever seen in the world.

39:11
我終於明白我媽為什麼讓我好好學習了,就是怕遇到你這種人!
I finally understand why my mom wants me to study hard. I'm afraid that I'll meet someone like you.

39:14
你媽的心願實現了!你媽的心願實現了?
Your mom's wish has been fulfilled. Your mom's wish has been fulfilled?

39:20
你罵誰呢?我真要打你了!你瘋了嗎?
Who are you scolding? I'm really going to hit you. Are you crazy?

39:24
他們為什麼打架?在哪打?我也不知道
Why are they fighting? Where are they fighting? I don't know either.

39:28
我說這倆人有錢吧,看看什麼叫專業品味,錯了、三、打!
I said, these two are rich. Let's see what professional taste is. Wrong, three, fight.

39:35
於子強,你窮的時候是我養你的,你窮的時候怎麼不說我窮?你忘恩負義!
Yu Ziqiang. I was the one who raised you when you were poor. Why didn't you say I was poor when you were poor? You're ungrateful.

39:45
我忘恩負義?至少讓過去過去吧
I'm ungrateful? At least let the past go.

39:48
你在幹嘛?關你屁事,我不高興!
What are you doing? It's none of your business. I'm not happy.

39:51
差不多得了,只要能甩掉你就行
It's almost done. As long as you let me get rid of you, it's okay.

39:54
憑什麼?你已經甩過我一次了,還想甩我第二次?
Why? You've already gotten rid of me once. You still want to get rid of me again?

40:00
告訴你,我和你在一起很久了,你很會欺負人
Let me tell you. I've been with you for a long time. You're good at bullying people.

40:05
聽好了,我陳美嘉要跟你分手!
Listen to me. I, Chen Meijia, will break up with you.

40:08
那就分!告訴你陳美嘉,你離我只有兩公里,我要回伊思島!
Then break up. Let me tell you, Chen Meijia. You're just two kilometers away from me. I'll go back to Yisi Island.

40:13
就算我是流氓我也告訴你:是我甩了你!我親手殺了你!
Even if I'm a hooligan, I'll tell you. I dumped you. I'll kill you with my own hands.

40:19
我甩了你!我甩了你!我甩了你!
I dumped you. I dumped you. I dumped you.

40:23
於子強你不能這樣
Yu Ziqiang, you can't do this.

40:28
你們倆玩去吧,我教你們怎麼玩:真在一起了
You two, go play. I'll tell you how to play. They're really together.

40:32
西涼的月亮、北灣的絕望,連珍珠都沒這麼真,看什麼看,走吧
The moon in the Western Liang, the despair in the North Bay, even the pearls are not so real. What are you looking at? Let's go.

40:40
沒看過分手啊?他們分了!分了!分了!
I've never seen a relationship break up. They broke up. They broke up. They broke up.

40:50
觀音,觀音你來了
Guanyin, Guanyin, you're here.

41:07
醫生幫我動了刀,你看到美嘉和子喬了嗎?
The doctor helped me to cut the knife. Did you see Meijia and Ziqiao?

41:11
沒有,好幾天沒見了,他們是一對好情侶
No. I haven't seen them for days. They're a good couple.

41:16
你要去哪,觀音?
Where are you going, Guanyin?

41:26
曾老師我不想騙你,其實我要去參加酸菜俱樂部的活動
Teacher Zeng, I don't want to lie to you. Actually, I'm going to attend the activities of the pickles club.

41:33
酸菜俱樂部?那不是我的後援會嗎?我怎麼不知道我的後援會?
Pickles club? Isn't that my fan club? Why don't I know about my fan club?

41:39
他們不讓我告訴你
They didn't let me tell you.

41:43
曾老師請原諒我,酸菜後援會要變成余萬後援會了
Teacher Zeng, please forgive me. Pickles fan club is going to be Yu Wan fan club.

41:48
李婉瑜你被解僱了!
Li Wanyu, you're fired.

41:52
姐你看這新聞:紅通通演藝公司因未按國家規定辦理營業手續被查封
Sister, look at this news. Hong Tongtong's acting company has not been sealed according to the state's regulations to handle business procedures.

42:01
公司經理閃電俠的一切演藝和經濟行為均屬無效
All acting and economic behaviors of the company's manager, Flash Man, are considered invalid.

42:08
有照片嗎?相關部門還沒找到閃電俠的照片
Do you have a photo? The relevant departments haven't found the photo of Flash Man yet.

42:12
我就說是假公司吧,對了觀音,我差點忘了我和閃姐在一起時她給你的這個
I told you, it must be a fake company. By the way, Guanyin, I almost forgot that I gave you this when I was with Sister Flash.

42:19
什麼?這個?別給我看這個!我的眼睛!
What? This? Don't show me this. My eyes!

42:27
我的眼睛!
My eyes!

42:57
我去上廁所
I'll go to the toilet.

44:17
♪ 想和你在一起 ♪
♪ I want to be with you ♪
